My fav. number is actually some entry thats titled emo … this cant get any better.
If the future me is reading, can you please grow up and stop being emo.
Alot of people and things and situations have been changing into a pace i kinda cant really adapt to it fast enough. Though theres nothing i can do to stop it nor is there any reason to anyway. Its too selfish to do so. Just wonder how things will change and how they’ll end up. Guess I’ll find out in time to come.
CNY shopping this few days. Once with Kahyeow. Already shortlisted a few things when i went with Kahyeow before meeting S14 for timbre but well … I never really though I’ll end up shopping alone. Its quite ironic actually … Considering I actually once said I’ll never do it but circumstances is alot different from then. Just who can i actually ask that can bear with my shopping habits. Though I must admit that I went on weird timings to fit in the after activities but well …
CNY shopping is depressing sadly. The reason has nothing to do with theres nothing to buy. Its theres nothing that suits me … Once again, I’ll have to face my physical flaws. As we grow up, facial features gets less important and height just plays a major role. Many a many times have i observed guys thats tall just have to do so little things to look good. Its as though if you’re below a certain height, you just kind of hit a ceiling in terms of the aesthetic sense … very very ironic …
End up buying something from Zara as the Voucher is expiring on the day i bought … 6 Months after my birthday … which is another horror story. Bought some top which is well black so cant wear it but it looks not bad and its on sale lol … But guess i bought like the pseudo vest and pseudo hoodie will have to cut it so its time to just buy some basics tees. Anyway. Bought a pair of Zara jeans with my $100 voucher. Well technically its $50 voucher cos i lent Kahyeow a month back to buy some Zara stuff for fear that it’ll be way beyond the expiry date before something suits me in Zara. But in the end, I still end up using the $100 voucher for myself so i guess i wont be disappointing those who gave me it. Anyway … I end up buying a pair of Zara jeans thats size 30. When my waist is hardly 28 … but its the smallest most retailers sell at and it kinda fit me alright. But well the size 30 … Hopefully the tailor can narrow the waist and more importantly as well as sadly … adjust the length of it by quite a significant bit.
That shall mark the end of the lamenting of my external appearance.
Spent a huge bomb on my hair today. By dyeing it again and well the haircut. Sometimes, I really dont want to go think about the money but I just want to look good. Its kinda sad to spend that much on just a haircut but its like a crucial part of my appearance but yet … most of the time i still end up having a stupid hairstyle. Its kinda like weighing between money and between a higher chance of looking good …
Okie this shall truely mark the end of my lamenting bout external appearance. It shall just slowly be covered up by other things till one day it resurfaces and haunts me again.
Went for some dance class today. Shall I say that I’m still not improving much. Especially at an age where people expect you to be able to pull off some smooth moves but I’m still … sucking. Today is exceptionally bad as I cant even hit on the beats so what the worse can be said about trying to pull off some clean moves.
I cant Sing.
I cant Dance.
I’m just artistically retarded.
Anyway reached home and watched “Tao Hua Xiao Mei’ on Channel U while having my very extremely late dinner. Normally its eat and throw away but its just nice feature some exciting part so I just end up watching the entire ep. with my retarded contacts that keep shifting and cant focus properly.
Sometimes, I really wonder when i can find like that. A nice pretty girl thats just so innocent so adorable and most importantly me loves me more than anything else. Its kinda like impossible in this time and especially at my age in this cruel world. Its kinda like the “on screen whether its in variety shows or interviews or anything’ … kinda like the SNSD that i like. Certain parts of certain them … Which I’m too emo to type it out / spazz about it now.
Cant help but just think about “what if” things actually work out long ago.
I’m about …
Seventy percent ?
Eighty percent ?
Ninety percent ?
Ninety-Five percent ?
Ninety-Nine percent ?
Not really sure but pretty sure that I probably dont like the current 2011 version but well probably theres a part of me that still likes the old version a little, just a little. But oh well … a strong believer of ‘what if’ is bullshit probably shouldnt be thinking about this. Probably broke up by now due to my immaturity back then. Not like its alot better now but well a little more I guess.
Mang mang ren hai dang zhong, kuai yi bu, man yi bu, ke neng jiu bu hui yu jian ni.
Not really applicable directly in this sense but if i scored better, scored worse … I’ll probably be in a different secondary school. If i chose geog instead of history, we’ll probably be in very different classes and wont have those few encounters that well probably just make me like you. There probably wont be all those stupid isolated incidents where i can just link them together and call them fate.
But its not really important now. I’m still pretty much asexual nowadays. Cant be bothered to go after girls or guys or anything. And not like i have enough time. I need to earn money through tuitions, need to hopefully get better in dance, need to study for school, need to learn the things i want to … Probably cant be a good boyfriend either.
Lastly, I really feel tired about the impending prelims and exams as well as the situation between me and different groups of people as well as different individuals. Yea its probably just me.
Feel like taking a photo of myself. Probably my back in a very nice place with wind. But just how do you capture wind or capture the ability of wind to blow away all your troubles.
I really really want to go on a journey alone to some place to take some photos and travel the more rural areas and just indulge in the wind, the sky, the water, the nature without any communication devices to disconnect with the world and connect to my most true inner self … but I have no money for expensive places and Malaysia seems a little too dangerous.
Shall sleep and then prioritize and do what i need to do tomorrow morning before i get myself in deep shit.
Song that I’m spamming right now : Lifehouse – You and Me (seriously i dont know why I’m spamming this)
