I actually ponned the Econs paper that i wanted to go for at least for prelims.
Cant get any more screwed.
Not the fact that i pon.
But the fact i know even if i go its pointless …
Gonna have to mug really hard for the next 2 months while juggling everything at the same time.
Random thought of the day : I dont know why but theres some comfort in the knowledge that i once liked/loved you.
Wow the number kind of fits what i’m gng to type ltr on … but anyway.
For chu er just kind of gather at ‘kim ee’ house and its just the few usual stuff so nothing really much to talk about. But somehow i wish the cousins can bond better. But then its a whole hugee wide range of age so … kinda though. Especially when i’m like the older generation of the cousins. Oh well … and theres a whole bunch of other issues and kind of like lol secondary school conflicts thingy.
For chu san … went to jit’s hus slightly late and met his parents downstairs and surprisingly his mom actually recognize me from my back/side view and called out before i even spot them when i was waiting for the lift. But anyway went up and met up with “jit ast fh jy wt wewe” and then procrastinated quite long and all to watch what movie and all and we ended up … watching human centipede trailer and all lol. thanks 2 xixi utness and all. was a whole lot of lol ‘ness and stuff … then watched the chen zhen bullshit movie and after awhile dh came and we just lepak and talk cock and stuff till 3.30 like that then went fh hus while wewe goes off …
Then at fh hus … played blackjack and all the bullshit tapping shoulder and all and talking nonsense and stuff and ZOMG I WON WTF ? after fh tapped my shoulder no less lol. i think he passed me his luck wooo hooo … then played 1 rnd of GT5 or and sucked using FIAT and zhao liao lol.
Took my bro car to Tampanines where we went to “keng ee’ house and all. Nothing much to talk about this but well its a once a year stuff but i kinda look forward to it every year.
Yea overrall its kinda a nice chu san with the gathering and all. Hopefully this can last forever with my friends + family n cousins … Its sth that ten twenty years later … I will want to experience it still and i know i’ll still be laughing along with it.
Chu Si … I spent the entire day watching gundam 00 season 2 … Time … well wasted though i like the show … its near exams. haiz.
Chu 5 (7th Feb) …
Oki quite a few important things happen. 1stly, 1 of my tutee mom sms me (didnt have her number) with the exact words “I want to terminate the tuition with effect on today” and when i called back to confirm who exactly is this person she dont even pick up nor did she call back till this time. Then i smsed the guy itself to confirm who the person is. Honestly, I’m really kinda pissed that 1stly, I would really greatly appreciate if she can inform me much earlier rather than on the day itself and not even bother to give a call. Such irresponsible act is what exactly causes her son to do so badly at his studies. Honestly, its really difficult to teach the son but its worse with all her random ramblings and bullshit and all her nit picky stuff that really doesnt concern her. But then again, its kinda a blow to my finance and all and also a blow to my pride as a tuition teacher. Guess i need to really upgrade myself in terms of the skill and all. Whatever it is i hope her son do well (very sarcastically) but it really make me very irritated with her country. Bloody PR.
Oki then went 4 the other tuitions and all and didnt really go very well as the tutee alot of things dont understand and all. I guess i need to slow down and all bleh.
Anyway went to meet David at Buona Vista mrt and was like 10-15 mins late and then walked to Holland Village and after walking a little … really a little, we procrastinated infront of the korean restaurant and well … went in.
The stuff is seriously bloody ex and after damn long … we just ordered 1 FULL ginseng chicken and naengmyeon … The ginseng chicken seriously taste like some sucky ‘yao cai ji’ and the ‘side dishes’ kinda average only and well I really dont like to be served by Filipinos … when they can hardly understand what the heck I’m talking about. But anyway the naengmyeon is really quite nice. Well theres quite abit of ice to keep the dish icy cold and the noodles and all is quite refreshing and so i really think its quite nice but then … for $15 its just noodles and a few veg and almost no meat … its kind of not worth it and not really dinner material.
Anyway left there after awhile and went 2am dessert bar to chill … the AMBIANCE IS SERIOUSLY GODLIKE … I really want to take my DSLR there and start shooting stuff but I’m pretty sure thats not allowed. But the seats along the side is really really nice. Its like a couch all the way from left to right of the room and its quite long so till your ankles its all on it and the tables is kinda like infront of you a little. So you and your friend can sit side by side but no1 can sit opposite you. Its quite difficult to describe but its seriously a good place to bring a girl there lol. But anyway … the service is quite top notch and the dessert is well … quite nice but its just too ex. Its like $14 or $15 before 1.171 and well … the portion is really little but the taste is not bad and you cant find it outside. So its really a once in a long while splurge …
And well i treated him everythin n it total cost about 90-100 lol … bloody poor. But then again he always treat me and even after this … i think he still treat me more. Damn … or rather yay … oki nvm quite stupid.
Then talked about a few crap. And i got a little emo over well someone again. But then I really think that I’m really over her. Just that … I suddenly remembered about long ago when all i just wanted is to hug her and let time stop at that moment but it all didnt come true. Then looking at where i stand now … its kinda like a disappointment. But then again the past is the past. I probably still like the old her that doesnt exist anymore or i just like the feeling of liking her and not her. But whatever it is … I’m totally not ready to commit in a relationship nor is there someone i want to commit to and i’m still a perfectionist so i dont want to just go after any girl and not like any girl will just accept me. But chances are when i do find the girl i want to go after … I’ll still probably fail due to lack of practice. Epic failure vicious cycle somehow …
Somehow … i suddenly remembered the feeling of wanting to hug her. That kind of very pure kind of like/’love’ in secondary school feeling is actually quite … a weird nice feeling. But then the past is already cast in stone so it’ll always remain just a beautiful sadness and i’ll just move on. Not like i hug her now i’ll be able to feel the same way nor it is possible for it to take place.
Whatever it is … its time to take this beautiful sadness and move on and use it to create a better future i guess …
Technically its already the 2nd day considering it just 5 past twelve now.
Well … to begin with. I somewhat dont really feel the … CNY feel that I usually feel like few years back.
In Nan Hua days … There’ll be like celebration “xiang shen” … shopping with friends and alot of nonsense and all
In JJC days … Cant really remember but theres some stupid thing that I’ll probably kp with some ppl.
In Army days … WELL ITS LOVELY TO HAVE LONG LONG HOLIDAYS from shitty stuff.
But this year … its just … nothing much. I dont know if its got to do with the prelims thats coming or just … alot of things thats missing or just the sucky uni life compared to other ppl in local uni …
Anyway back to this year … well nothing really much to comment. Its just like other CNY i guess. Gathering at maternal grandma’s house then gng paternal eldest bro house for a while. Roughly thats it. Then abit if doing nothing and everything and random stuff at grandma’s house and all …
Damn bloody tired.
This is like a few days late considering it took place on 31st Jan …
Erm honestly theres really nothing much i feel like blogging about it. Not openly LOL. Well frankly, everytime I’m there … its as though I’m just floating around. Seriously dont like that kind of feeling. Guess I’m still quite have the Attention Deficiency Disorder.
But with the way things are going and all, lets just hope my prediction will be wrong as I’m getting increasingly exponentially pissed with some stuff. And people are obviously pissed with me for doing certain things but they dont even understand what I’m pissed with or even know about it … but theres nothing i can do for theres no way i can explain it to them giving these kinda circumstances.
bleh whatever it is. Perhaps i should focus more on photography itself … than photog club itself. But then again … how to further my interest in human photography. damnit.
Woke up at 9.30 am … when my tuition is at like 9am ? Totally jialat. Rush bath and prepare all the stuff later then chiong out for tuition. And its raining non stop again … Super irritating. Cabbed once again. My money is going down the road man.
Anyway finished my last tuition for Jan and 1 week break before all the tuition start … Yay … But theres a little delay and i ended meeting HuiBingJit late … But no choice cos work =(
Went to eat the colourful XLB at Paradise Inn (cant rmb the exact name but oh well Ion 4th Floor =X) and well they dont really like it … damn. Think i made their expectations too high lol. But then … my zha jiang mian is not bad honestly. Infact its quite nice. Its like the old crystal jade quality when they first started. The way i like it. Anyway then went to BIG O cafe at Paragon and have some cakes … Apparently their cakes not as nice as before … Damnit. Nothing is improving in this screwed up world.
Then walked to orchard mrt then after a shortwhile of toilet break and all we just kinda split up and ‘ge zou ge de’ and i just took train with BR to Tiong then took 195 to Marcus’ home.
Walked past the security guard at the condo and just smiled and nodded and proceeded in. Cant be bothered to declare im a visitor and go through stupid stuff. But oh well. Nice guy. Then walked 1 bloody big circle and missed Marcus’ block before reaching his house and went in.
And they playing monopoly deal … which well i just went to the Kitchen to say hi and well … act like i want to help LOL =X … which i really wanted to but the kitchen is just well … a little crowded. Then surprisingly Maki mother still rmb me as the guy who ‘taught’ her how to make the golden mushroom and bacon combination …
Then went to slack abit outside and played a little of monopoly deal which sadly proves my bloody bad luck. I use GO card to have more GO and useless cards wtf ?
Oh well after that started the steamboat … oki not really started but wait 4 the pot to boil but … we all ended up smelling some burnt / iron smell so we decide to change pot and just nice charmaine came and all 10 of us reached …
Guys : Marcus Glenn Matthew Shengjie Sweehuat Me (I’ll slap whoever want to shift my name)
Girls : Lihui Alena Grace Charmaine.
So we kinda started the steamboat and … honestly laughed at seriously stupid retarded stuff that probably only the true S14 will really find it funny but we … or at least i … oki i think we really really laugh quite hard at alot of stuff.
Laughed at the …
Stupid CUTE “Captain” Fishcake that no1 likes to eat … and ended flooding the entire steamboat …
Marcus’ very limited chinese words and phrases …
Marcus’ punchline after silence such as “Gan Bei”
Glenn’s inappropriate jokes lol …and of cos the endless repeats of someone’s name
Grace’s reaction / Death stare …
Lihui’s laughter …
Swee huat’s bloody noisy sounds while eating
Shengjie’s “Chingay” question …
and too much more to be remember cause just laughing too hard at too random stuff …
then lepak and all at the living room area after a super super full steamboat and singing along to Glenn’s guitar random stuff and laughing at Matthew’ sick phrases about cherry and cream LOL … and a little phototaking here and there.
Yea overall its really quite a fun and enjoyable and you can just be yourself … JayJay Oh Sex Ass One Four Rocks man lol. Lets hope this can carry on for a very very very long time.
Dont feel like writing certain things down but … guess i really need to work on my temper quite abit.
About the photog workshop thing. Honestly theres nothing much that I really want to pen down.
Went for the workshop. Wanted to reach on time to help a little (with most intentions to slack here n there) but well the rain kinda delayed me and well abit too late.
When i reached the workshop. Was abit erm … distant … if thats the right word to be used. But things got better after awhile and all but oh well … Honestly nothing much to be pen down here. Not publicly anyway.
Then went a long long long bloody long waiting and an even bloody longer bus ride to town to realise white dog cafe is closed and had BurgerKing at OC … Time pretty well spent. Walked to BnJ @ the Cathay and well … pretty much slacked there and shared ice cream.
Once again nothing much that i can pen down publicly but i too lazy to blog it privately so the future me better understand what the heck though im pretty sure hes still probably to lazy to read his old entries.
Hopefully time will change certain things though with all the odds against me and all … I dont really think the situation will improve alot. Just like on the balance scale … some stuff is an extremely super negative correlation …
Woke up with a super stiff neck. Which basically means I did nothing except playing my psp the whole day.
Some stuff got a lot more irritating than its suppose to be so in reflex, I’m just going to shift certain things to a lower priority.
I’m really getting very very sicked and tired of taking care of the whole house. I dont see why as a bloody 21 year old I need to take care of the whole bloody chores and yet my older brother and mother is just making things difficult. Instead of helping out, they just mess up the whole stupid place with their own stupid shit that they cant take care of.
Perhaps its good that I’m not attached at all. Just cant imagine taking care of another person as an ideal boyfriend.
My fav. number is actually some entry thats titled emo … this cant get any better.
If the future me is reading, can you please grow up and stop being emo.
Alot of people and things and situations have been changing into a pace i kinda cant really adapt to it fast enough. Though theres nothing i can do to stop it nor is there any reason to anyway. Its too selfish to do so. Just wonder how things will change and how they’ll end up. Guess I’ll find out in time to come.
CNY shopping this few days. Once with Kahyeow. Already shortlisted a few things when i went with Kahyeow before meeting S14 for timbre but well … I never really though I’ll end up shopping alone. Its quite ironic actually … Considering I actually once said I’ll never do it but circumstances is alot different from then. Just who can i actually ask that can bear with my shopping habits. Though I must admit that I went on weird timings to fit in the after activities but well …
CNY shopping is depressing sadly. The reason has nothing to do with theres nothing to buy. Its theres nothing that suits me … Once again, I’ll have to face my physical flaws. As we grow up, facial features gets less important and height just plays a major role. Many a many times have i observed guys thats tall just have to do so little things to look good. Its as though if you’re below a certain height, you just kind of hit a ceiling in terms of the aesthetic sense … very very ironic …
End up buying something from Zara as the Voucher is expiring on the day i bought … 6 Months after my birthday … which is another horror story. Bought some top which is well black so cant wear it but it looks not bad and its on sale lol … But guess i bought like the pseudo vest and pseudo hoodie will have to cut it so its time to just buy some basics tees. Anyway. Bought a pair of Zara jeans with my $100 voucher. Well technically its $50 voucher cos i lent Kahyeow a month back to buy some Zara stuff for fear that it’ll be way beyond the expiry date before something suits me in Zara. But in the end, I still end up using the $100 voucher for myself so i guess i wont be disappointing those who gave me it. Anyway … I end up buying a pair of Zara jeans thats size 30. When my waist is hardly 28 … but its the smallest most retailers sell at and it kinda fit me alright. But well the size 30 … Hopefully the tailor can narrow the waist and more importantly as well as sadly … adjust the length of it by quite a significant bit.
That shall mark the end of the lamenting of my external appearance.
Spent a huge bomb on my hair today. By dyeing it again and well the haircut. Sometimes, I really dont want to go think about the money but I just want to look good. Its kinda sad to spend that much on just a haircut but its like a crucial part of my appearance but yet … most of the time i still end up having a stupid hairstyle. Its kinda like weighing between money and between a higher chance of looking good …
Okie this shall truely mark the end of my lamenting bout external appearance. It shall just slowly be covered up by other things till one day it resurfaces and haunts me again.
Went for some dance class today. Shall I say that I’m still not improving much. Especially at an age where people expect you to be able to pull off some smooth moves but I’m still … sucking. Today is exceptionally bad as I cant even hit on the beats so what the worse can be said about trying to pull off some clean moves.
I cant Sing.
I cant Dance.
I’m just artistically retarded.
Anyway reached home and watched “Tao Hua Xiao Mei’ on Channel U while having my very extremely late dinner. Normally its eat and throw away but its just nice feature some exciting part so I just end up watching the entire ep. with my retarded contacts that keep shifting and cant focus properly.
Sometimes, I really wonder when i can find like that. A nice pretty girl thats just so innocent so adorable and most importantly me loves me more than anything else. Its kinda like impossible in this time and especially at my age in this cruel world. Its kinda like the “on screen whether its in variety shows or interviews or anything’ … kinda like the SNSD that i like. Certain parts of certain them … Which I’m too emo to type it out / spazz about it now.
Cant help but just think about “what if” things actually work out long ago.
I’m about …
Seventy percent ?
Eighty percent ?
Ninety percent ?
Ninety-Five percent ?
Ninety-Nine percent ?
Not really sure but pretty sure that I probably dont like the current 2011 version but well probably theres a part of me that still likes the old version a little, just a little. But oh well … a strong believer of ‘what if’ is bullshit probably shouldnt be thinking about this. Probably broke up by now due to my immaturity back then. Not like its alot better now but well a little more I guess.
Mang mang ren hai dang zhong, kuai yi bu, man yi bu, ke neng jiu bu hui yu jian ni.
Not really applicable directly in this sense but if i scored better, scored worse … I’ll probably be in a different secondary school. If i chose geog instead of history, we’ll probably be in very different classes and wont have those few encounters that well probably just make me like you. There probably wont be all those stupid isolated incidents where i can just link them together and call them fate.
But its not really important now. I’m still pretty much asexual nowadays. Cant be bothered to go after girls or guys or anything. And not like i have enough time. I need to earn money through tuitions, need to hopefully get better in dance, need to study for school, need to learn the things i want to … Probably cant be a good boyfriend either.
Lastly, I really feel tired about the impending prelims and exams as well as the situation between me and different groups of people as well as different individuals. Yea its probably just me.
Feel like taking a photo of myself. Probably my back in a very nice place with wind. But just how do you capture wind or capture the ability of wind to blow away all your troubles.
I really really want to go on a journey alone to some place to take some photos and travel the more rural areas and just indulge in the wind, the sky, the water, the nature without any communication devices to disconnect with the world and connect to my most true inner self … but I have no money for expensive places and Malaysia seems a little too dangerous.
Shall sleep and then prioritize and do what i need to do tomorrow morning before i get myself in deep shit.
Song that I’m spamming right now : Lifehouse – You and Me (seriously i dont know why I’m spamming this)
Oki firstly Happy Birthday to Weisiang though i seriously doubt he’ll read this …
What i felt during the supper few days back kinda … manifested. Totally had fever and sore throat the day before and then woke up at like morning but feeling too damn sick so decided to pon stats and went back to sleep and woke up at 10am … Went for PBF lesson but feeling damn sick so didnt really register much into my brain lol … and my pbf test is seriously cui results … And theres really not much time left to mug and do all the things i want to do. Time to really sacrifice certain things and just focus on whats really important right now.
And bloody Weisiang didnt even go school. Kinda dragged my ass to pbf to let my brains get raped by jon peh for nth lol. Went home straight away … n didnt go for dance cos really not feeling well …
Happy Birthday Junhao.
I’ve known you for quite a number of years but i shall just start from sec 1 since we totally dont talk in Primary school but we’ve been in the same school for seriously very long long long time …
Anyway started the day by gng Studio Wu to … well dance with Alena … who is the first time being there. I think this is the 1st time i actually wrote on online media that im learning Dancing. Its not really something to hide but i really dont really want people to know cos I’m still dancing like crap. Life sucks when you’re born tone and rhythm death, cant sing, cant play musical instrument and suck at dancing …
Anyway rushed home after that and cabbed to driving lesson … money well spent on both cab … and driving …
Then went town to meet Jo to confirm Junhao’s present after scouting for quite a long while and i must say its seriously a chio cardholder that we got for him … I have good taste.
Then went … to met up with Junhao at Clarke Quay and Jo bought the nice Milk Tea while we spotted Gong Cha after that and junhao and me both bought … LOL. Im starting to get sick of Gong Cha. Or subconsciously im reminding myself not to splurge after my retarded asos and fp online damn.
THEN we walked to timber in the slight drizzle and … its fking closed. FML. FOL!
Then we wanted to walk to Liang Court tampopo but Junhao just had it few days back so we decided to try Santouka or sth then in the end went for Marutama Ramen after a bloody long q. Junling and Tzeling joined us shortly after … and we got ushered into a small room … like some storeroom like that though got a little jap feel but theres only like … erm 6 of us ? when the room can easily fit 10-12 or 14 even …
But anyway the ramen sucks … though the legendary egg not bad … haha. n the egg is cheaper than tampopo but the gyoza sucks and seriously too limited choices when the ramen not nice. Or rather its not my type … too sticky already damnit. and the q sucks.
AND we actually finished the super … huge junling’s PALM SIZE … when the cake is as big as a normal person’s face =.=”
Anyway had quite some fun and well being with friends is fun though somethings seriously … i really dont like the way things are going or is happening but i just dont really have the right to say its wrong or something since circumstances and things are changing and all … but it aint the same like last time. But im really getting irritated.
Anyway went starbucks to play monopoly deal and lol omg. I suicided after being pushed into a corner so i can restart ^^ haha. And then i went to supper with Jy Wt they all though i didnt eat anything at Al Zhazhazha cos i could feel my throat … kinda dying.
